Monday, January 31, 2011


I had to deal with temptation yesterday and this morning. Yesterday we had a 4th birthday party to attend.  Pizza, hoagies, chips, cheese popcorn, ice cream, cake, soft pretzel bites oh my!  It took so much will power to decline. I have to save up my extra WW points for this coming Saturday when my husband and I are going to have a date night.  I wasn't a complete party pooper.  I did have 1 soft pretzel bite.

This morning when I went to leave for the gym, the car wouldn't start.  I take the car in the morning so it's a little warm for my husband to hop into when I get home.  I almost took that as a sign to just go back into bed.  I mean what if the car not starting meant I would miss being in a deadly car accident?  :)  But I jumped in the van instead and drove that to the gym.

I did the same workout as I did on Saturday.  I warmed up on the elliptical for 15 minutes.  Then went to the treadmill to run 1 mile, walk 1/4 mile, run 1 mile.  I've been running at 5.0 the first mile. Second mile I mess around with the speed starting at 5.0.  Throughout the mile I speed it up, lower it back down, etc.  It keeps the workout a little less mundane.  After the cardio I worked on some upper body strength training.  I'm glad I didn't give into the temptation of staying home because the car wouldn't start.

Today's motivational quote: 
"Be like a postage stamp and stick to something until you get there" -josh billings

Saturday, January 29, 2011

So today I made it to the gym.  I had a great workout:  45 minutes on the elliptical, 45 min on treadmill and leg/ab strength training followed by stretching.  On the treadmill I completed week 6 day 2 of c25k.  Last night I treated myself to 2 slices of pizza.  Yummy! 
On a side not about food.  I was really surprised about how many points my breakfast was this morning.  I had Kashi Go Lean Crisp with milk.  Turned out to be 8pts I think.  Oy. I hate when foods can be depicted as healthy, but then when I do the point count it's so high!

Friday, January 28, 2011

Weigh in day

Really I weigh myself mostly every day, but Fridays are the day that I use as the weekly weigh in day. 

results: 178.6 - that is EXACTLY the same as last week.  Earlier in the week it was down to 177.2, so hopefully I'm just retaining water today and next week will be better.

In the workout world, I skipped the gym this morning.  Last night I shoveled my elderly neighbors driveway for 2 hrs.  That was a workout!  It's a fairly steep driveway so it was uphill lifting 12 inches of heavy snow.  Because of that I didn't get to bed early enough to wake up so early.  My husband is supposed to be coming home early today, so if that actually happens I may go to the gym later today.  If not, then definitely tomorrow even though Saturday is my normal day off.

Today's motivational quote:
"You must begin to think of yourself as becoming the person you want to be". - David Viscott

Thursday, January 27, 2011


My gym routine was interrupted today by a big overnight snowstorm.  Instead of the gym I shoveled a bit and will do some exercises here and there around the house today.  Tomorrow it's week 6 day 2 of c25k. 

I'm looking forward to the UPS delivery today.  I purchased the Women's Champion Compression Vented Sports Bra from  I'm large chested and currently have to wear 2 sports bras to keep the girls contained.  Hopefully this will do the job so I just have to wear 1!

A friend of mine posted this quote on Facebook the other day. I found it appropriate for a weightloss journey: 
"Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending. "

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Cockadoodle doo

Yes that is actually the sound my phone alarm makes at 4am.  I had to make it annoying so I wouldn't keep hitting snooze.

Today my workout at the gym was to complete week 6 day 1 of the Couch to 5k program.  I began the morning with a 12 min warm up on the elliptical then switched to the treadmill.  Surprisingly today's run/walk seemed somewhat easy.  All in all I ended up doing 47 min of cardio then switched to upper body weights.  One of my goals is to have a great looking back and arms for tank top season.  I'm a stay at home mom so in the summer I live in tank tops every single day.  This year I would love to look tone and not flabby.

I found this great quote, the author is unknown:
"Instead of giving myself reasons why I can't, I give myself reasons why I can".
I can do this because I am strong.  I have the health and ability to to meet my goals, however lofty they may be.  I will do this.  So what are your reasons?

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

The purpose

The purpose of this blog is to share my road to the skinny me.  I hope to post about my workouts, struggles, achievements and any good recipes that I find along the way.  Most of all, I hope to inspire you to be who you want to be.

The new me

When October arrived and my son was just about to turn 1, I was weighing in in the upper 170's-low 180's depending on the day.  I made the decision that I HAD to do something about my weight.  I had to do something for me, for my husband and most importantly for my kids.  I wanted to be the mom who had lots of energy.  I want to be around for my kids for a long time. 
I decided to begin waking up early so I could get to the gym and be back before my husband had to leave for work.  The nightime gym routine wasn't working for me because I would make up so many excuses about why I couldn't go.  I set my alarm for 5am and began my new gym routine.  Not long after I got my routine down, my husband was promoted to a new position.  Great!  However it now meant he had to leave work earlier.  I began waking at 4am.  I love going to the gym so early because it is so quiet at that time.  I was very slowly losing weight.  Between October and right before Christmas I lost almost 7 lbs.  Between Christmas and New Years I gained that weight right back.
New Years Eve I went online and signed up for Weight Watchers again.  I wanted to give the new points plus program a try.
So here I am now.  I love the new Weight Watchers program.  I continue to wake up at 4am M-F for the gym.  22 days into my new routine I have lost just about 7 lbs.  Last week after going through some pictures from a few years ago, I decided I needed to stay focused on the Couch to 5k program (c25k) that i have been doing here and there.  I found a 5k that I will be signing up for that is in April.  I seem to lose weight easily when I run.
I want to be that mom that people look at and say - wow you have kids?  I want to look great in clothes again.  I want to be proud of me and have my sons and husband proud of me.  Most importantly I want to be comfortable being me. 
My weight loss goal is to lose about 40lbs this year.  If I don't make it, I want to at least lose as much as I can, but stay focused.

Here we go again

In October I saw that beautiful positive pregnancy test.  My morning sickness was horrible.  The only thing that helped my sickness was eating.  So I ate.  I think I gained about 10 lbs during the first 12 weeks.  The week before Christmas, I had a miscarriage.  I comforted myself by eating and drinking wine.  As soon as we were able to begin trying for another baby we did.  Once again I saw that beautiful positive pregnancy test in February.  I never lost the weight I gained from the previous pregnancy and holiday season.  By the time I delivered my second son in October I was just over 200lbs. 
I thought that baby weight was going to fall off as it did with my first.  But it didn't.  At my 6 week post partum appointment I was 183.  Bound and determined to lose this weight I began weight watchers again in the new year and also joined the gym.
This time I had such difficulty staying focused.  The little baby was a crappy sleeper and I was just trying to get through the day.  By the time it was time for me to go to the gym I was exhausted.  The weight was staying on me.  I did manage to go lose some, but then again gained it back.  

First 5k

I had a group of friends who was also trying to lose weight.  We would motivate each other.  A few of us decided to give running a try.  Another friend who was a runner recommended the Couch to 5k program.  We began this adventure in March.  The winter weather was breaking so I was able to do some running down at the park with my little one in a stroller.
I was never a runner.  In school when we had to do the mile run, I was almost always last and my friends and I would cheat by saying we ran more laps than we actually did since we would count each others.  In adulthood I had a few spurts of wanting to run, but it was a lot of jogging and walking.  This time I was going to try to do full running.  We chose a date for a 5k the middle of July.
The first few runs were so difficult.  My breathing was horrible.  My legs were tired.  Finally I got into the groove and was enjoying this sport I hated.  The days were longer so I would go running in the evening after dinner by myself.  It was my 'me' time.  I'm a stay at home mom, so I have very little 'me' time.  I loved it.
By the time July came, I was running over the 3.1 miles straight and was down to the upper 140's in weight.  I was so proud of myself.  Mostly I was proud of how proud my husband was of me.  He was telling everyone at work about my accomplishments.   I ran the 5k in 32 min and some odd seconds.  My goal was 30 min, but I was close.
After the race, the humidity became worse and I was having a hard time running in that weather.  Eventually my love for running diminished.  We went on a cruise where there was food galore. In those 2 months, I gained a few lbs back.  We decided to try for another baby.

Married life

After we said 'I do', I continued to try to lose weight again.  I tried following this plan and that plan.  The one thing I knew I wasn't going to try was purging.  Very slowly the weight came off.  I was having fun buying new clothes in smaller sizes.  Life was good.
9 months later, my period had gone missing.  Finally after having a queasy stomach much of the time, I decided that I should take a pregnancy test.  That positive sign showed up very quick.  Just when I was getting thinner again I was going to be gaining weight. 
I gained just about exactly 30 lbs during the pregnancy.  By my 6 week appt I had lost all but 5 lbs.  I was determined to lose those 5lbs, but the scale was going in the opposite direction mostly due in part to the holiday foods.  After the new year I began weight watchers for the first time.  My husband also joined so we could motivate each other.  I had much success with Weight Watchers and the weight began coming off ... again.

After college

After graduating from college, I lived in an apartment with 2 other friends.  We had our share of alcohol and fattening foods.  Our complex had a gym, but I never went.  I did go for runs around the complex here and there.  My weight stayed pretty steady.  I continued to dat a few guys off and on.  I had a full-time job.  There was a gym ight next to my job, so I joined and would go almost every day for 2 hrs doing cardio, weights and sometimes swim.  By this point I was dating a guy seriously.  We dated for nearly 1 1/2 years before he called it quits because he knew he wasn't ready for the next step and I was.
Shortly after I met my now husband.  He lived in the next state over, about a 30 min drive, so we saw each other on the weekends, wednesday night and talked for hours online and over the phone at night.  I stopped going to the gym because I would want to be at home ready to talk to him.  The weight slowly started to go back on between the lack of exercise, eating out more and I think mostly from being on birth control for a short period of time.  Those hormones played some crazy games with my body. 
He proposed to me Christmas 2004.  By this time I had gained almost 30 lbs during our time of dating.  Yikes!  I was now a bride to be and had to lose that weight to look perfect for my wedding which was less than 12 months away.  I started to watch what I ate, not eat after 8pm and avoid sugar.  When spring sprung my future husband and I would wake up when the sun rose and went for a jog/walk along the river we lived by every morning.  The weight started falling off again.  By wedding day I had lost about 25 lbs.  I looked great in my dress and on our honeymoon. 

Off to college

August of 97 I was heading off to college.  I chose a small christian college about 3-3 1/2 hrs from my house.  I would only be coming home on holidays because i didn't have my own car.  I was ready to begin the next phase of my life.  My only concern was ... how would I be able to continue my secret?  The dorm had a communal bathroom so obviously throwing up in there was something I wouldn't be able to do.  I ended up stopping the purging cold turkey.  I ate the cafeteria foods and didn't feel the need to purge.  I was realizing that my purging wasn't necessarily about the weightloss I was seeing, but more about me.  I always wanted to please my parents and always made my decisions in life based upon pleasing them.  I never said no to food that was offered because I didn't want to hurt them.  I was raised with the Italian theory of eating.  Eat Eat Eat.  I had to follow that. 

In college, I could make my own decisions.  I was me.  I was becoming an adult.  I chose mostly healthy foods.  Did a lot of walking both on and off campus.  I only had a few friends who had cars so that is what I had to do.  And you know what?  When I went back home the first time and weighed myself, I didn't gain weight.  I was holding steady.  I never got the freshman 15.  I didn't gain weight the whole time in college until I was in my senior year and did a study abroad.  I tasted too many yummy foreign foods.  I had this weight thing mostly under control, except for when I was home visiting.  That was the only time I would ever purge.

and My World Changes

My world started to change when I was in 10th grade.  I just got home from dinner at my grandparents house.  We had roast beef, mashed potatoes and some kind of veggie.I was in my bedroom supposedly doing my homework, but actually reading one of my teeny bopper magazines.  The article I was reading was about a girl who struggled with bulimia.  Sadly a story that was meant to warn girls not to do something is what started my new addiction.  I went in the bathroom and stuck my finger down my throat.  That felt great.  I may have found a way to be thin.  I may have found my way for a boy to like me.  Maybe I could be thin and have a boyfriend afterall.  Every night after dinner I would go upstairs.  My parents would downstairs either in the living room or outside on the porch.  There was never a question about why I was upstairs.  I spent a lot of time in my room.  I liked to read, listen to my music, practice my flute and do my homework.  Every night I would quietly go in the bathroom and do my thing.  I had a little towel that I used to clean up any mess that may have happened.  I hate to make sure I didn't leave any evidence behind.  I left that towel in my room and cleaned it when I did a load of laundry.  I brushed my teeth afterwards every time because I didn't want the acid to destroy them.  I couldn't let anyone know my dirty little secret. 

After a week of purging, I lost about 10 lbs.  I was loving it.  My clothes were fitting better.  I got to eat what I wanted and still lose weight.  For once I didn't mind weigh in day during gym class.  That scale was finally going in the opposite direction.

My dirty little secret continued every day, at least once a day.  Noone ever knew.  Only one person ever questioned my weight loss.  My aunt.  She brought it up to my mom that she was concerned with my weight loss.  It was something about the way in which my body lost weight that my stomach was the last to go or something like that.  i can't remember exactly.  My mom responded that I was just watching what I ate more and have been more active.  I was in the marching band.  A very good marching band that practiced for hours upon hours.  I would go for walks around the neighborhood.  Even my doctor never questioned when I went for my physical.  She was amazed that I lost over 30lbs since my last visit.  I weighed in at 129.  I distinctly remember that number.  I was so proud of that number.  It was a number I though I would never see when i stepped on a scale. 

I was able to finish up high school wearing stylish clothes.  I finished high school not having to be ashamed in gym class.  I was actually a demonstrator for some activities, especially in gymnastics. I was able to finish high school by having dates to dances and guys who did second glances.  I had older men having crushes on me.  I was who I wanted to be ... finally.

The beginning

Weight has always been a huge issue with me.  Growing up I was one of the heaviest girls in my classes.  Gym class sucked.  I was active, but my parents weren't the best at making sure my food intake was nutritous.  I remember eating a sleeve of girl scout cookies for breakfast when I was in 5th grade.  Both parents worked and my grandmother lived across the street from us, so my brother and I would be home alone before school and for about an hour after school.  I'd come home from school and make a plate of nachos and cheese for myself or 4 slices of cinnamon toast.  My dad worked at a grocery store and would bring home donuts.  We would have those for dessert at night.  I didn't know any better.

Many of my friends were on the local softball team.  I wanted and wanted to play too.  My parents response was "you have to lose weight before you would be able to play softball".  Don't get me wrong, my parents were great parents.  This one category of my life is what really bothers me about my childhood.  My dad was and still is overweight.  My mom was overweight as I was growing up, but now due to some medical issues is a stick.  My brother (half-brother) was blessed with a high metabolism.  
I always wanted to be thin, but really didn't know how to make it happen.   I was active.  I lived in a neighborhood full of kids and we would be outside running around and riding our bikes from sun up to past sundown.  I thought that since I was so active I had to eat. 

My middle school summers were spent trying to lose weight.  I'd have salads for lunch, but then piled all kinds of high calorie extras.  It was a salad though.  I was eating healthy.  Right?